SEX 101

A few conversations have brought it back that sometimes we need a refresher course, back to basics. While it's Springtime and the birds and the bees are doing their thing, let's talk about some fundamentals of what it means to get it on, and how it can be a great experience for all parties involved. Consent is your first priority. If you don't have a partner's consent for sexual activity, it's no longer a sexual act, it's an act of violence.  

Anatomy

Learn what all the parts are and how they operate. The clitoris contains at least 8,000 sensory nerve endings – twice as many in the entire penis. These nerve endings run down “the legs” of the clitoris and continue in a Figure 8 around the anus – like an uneven infinity symbol. When clitoral and vulva tissue is stimulated, sometimes it expands. The tissue will be full of blood and grows, some to a much larger proportion and the color of the tissue changes too. If this occurs with you (or your partner), you are normal.

Protection

Most people are concerned with sexually transmitted infections and diseases. Some avoid sexual contact with others as a prevention method. One of the most basic methods of prevention is bathing. Having a clean body and genitals can prevent passing on bacteria to a partner. Cleaning up after sex also can prevent any secretions that may have a virus or bacteria from infecting you from the outside of your body. Condoms also prevent a penis and any secretions from within to come in direct contact with the vaginal walls and cervix. It does not prevent contact with scrotal tissue or vaginal secretions from touching her partner's body. Dental dams and female condoms are better options for preventing the spreading of a virus or infection from a female partner. Definitive testing is not available for Herpes or HPV (Warts) unless the virus is active.

How To Make A Woman Orgasm

Women have orgasms by having their clitoris stimulated. The majority of women (if not 90 percent) will not experience orgasm with just penis-vagina sex. The clitoris must be touched. Some women need it touched directly, some apply vibration just above the glans (the protrusion of the head). Learning how to massage a woman's vulva and, in turn, all parts of her clitoris, creating a build-up of sensations will usually create an orgasm in a woman.

I highly recommend Joseph Kramer, PhD's video series on Vulva Massage and Nina Hartley's video series on Female Orgasm. Waiting until a woman orgasms before penetrating her vagina yields a better sexual experience for the partners, or her clitoris should be in a state of arousal. Allow her hand to guide you, slow down and learn her anatomy. Be ready to drop everything you've ever learned or experienced with another partner each time you're with a new partner. Women, learn how your body reacts. Teach your partner what you have learned, what feels good.

Labels
  Gender and sexual identities are separate and can be fluid. Some people identify as heterosexual, some as homosexual, some lines are not so clearly drawn. Some people identify as male or female and some people it's somewhere in between. Some people transition between during their lifetime, experiencing a variety of sensations, emotions and experiences. The best thing someone else who is not experiencing a transition can do is open your mind, be non-judgmental, be empathetic and allow for this person to make their transition and travel on their path of life without impeding, preventing or forcing a situation. There is no gender or sexuality binary. It's not just male and female. Sexuality and gender variations and experiences have many different variables. Sex can also involve multiple partners or having a relationship that involves more than just one partner.

Shame

Feeling shame around our sexuality is one of the biggest factors in not learning more about sex, moving forward as sexual creatures and staying put within social stigmas and religious confines. Identify where you are feeling shame and what you can do to let go of these feelings to move forward as a more liberated and expressive person. How can you feel the most, best sexual pleasure? Find what is holding you back and learn to let it go.

Explore your sexuality, find where you fit in, have the courage to dig deep into sensations and find what works and doesn't work. Then, find your voice, find a way to communicate this, find other partners and experience a bliss with your sexual expressions. And, some may find that they don't need to have sex, don't feel pleasure from it and can live happily ever after without it. Once you find your path, enjoy it. Always make consensual pleasure your goal.

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