During the Halloween season, there is a lot of flesh being exposed. Several events are planned that are fetish-oriented and have a Halloween theme. For instance, in Columbus we have Trauma, Detroit has Theatre Bizarre, San Francisco has Masquerotica – to name a few. Many Halloween costumes have “sexy” in the title, and some fun with memes has come into play with this, like the Sexy Tampon costume, or Sexy Cockroach. Some have brought up the topic of shaming those who choose to be sexy during the Halloween holiday season. For some, this may be the one time of the year that they can dress sexy or revealing, where they feel comfortable enough to be exposed. They look forward to it, and get turned on by the idea that they can be freer with their body and sexual expressions in public. However, the issue of availability from women who dress sexy or revealing can turn a holiday celebration into a painful memory. Let’s think about some things that may have come up, for the next time you choose to be sexy in public.

Consent and Shame

Something that happens during the big Halloween events where fetish and spooky are commingled, is a lack of consent. Groping, grabbing, ogling, lewd remarks, judgments, boundary crossing, jealousy and insecurities abound. People forget to ask, and just do. They see exposed body parts and don’t grasp the human condition. This includes shaming someone who may, in your opinion, have a flawed body, is an older age or noticeably out of their element. Exhibitionism Public displays of sex and sexuality as a lifestyle choice have always existed. Finding places that are open to others can be a challenge. They do exist, whether in the underground of people’s homes or an actual public space devoted to sexual play. When, as a couple, do you agree to move from a fantasy of sex in public to actually setting up a scenario to be sexual in public? Does it end up being as sexy and fulfilling as you wished? Did you spend time communicating all the pros and cons, possible conflicts, or were you just hit with a rush of spontaneous libido lightning? How far did you go? How did others around you react? Did you have the consent of your voyeurs? Role Playing Most of the manufactured costumes available for the Halloween season look more like role-playing costumes than anything from Halloweens past. Role playing may not be a regular sexual act, or expression for you. It can be a doorway for a single person, to dress up in a costume that reflects their sexual interests. They can meet someone who finds this particular costume a huge turn-on. Cos-play (costume play) is becoming more of a mainstream and known expression and lifestyle. It merges desire, fantasy, exhibitionism and community for your character. At some Cos-Play conventions, being part of a sexually playful environment is a highlight for spending the money to attend, creating a unique costume and engaging in sex as your character. I could write chapters about all of the nuances of public sex and sexuality - what is current in society, what it means to be open to it, and accepting of others who are comfortable with their body and sexual expressions. For more insight, I suggest looking at the following books:
  • Exhibitionism For The Shy by Carol Queen
  • Public Sex by Pat Califia
  • The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
If you have a question or a topic you would like to have covered in this column, please go to: http://ladymonstersex.info and click on the link for the Google form. It is 100% anonymous. Thank you. (Lady Monster illustration by W. Ralph Walters. www.wralphwalters.com )

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