Bedroom Dodgeball and Other Tales

Dear Lady Monster,

Some years ago I had a single sexual encounter with a woman who sought me out for a long time. We finally met, and some months later she took me home. She showed me a photo album full of pictures she had taken of me at a public event several years prior. Things turned sexual and then got strange. She had a large collection of homemade rubber masks. She had over 40 of them, each on their own manniquin head. They were all masks of zombie rats. She insisted we both wear them during sex. I was not comfortable, but I tried to perform anyway. I could not. There is nothing sexy for me about looking down and seeing a dead rat looking back at me during intercourse.

She also thought that randomly throwing deflated soccer balls at my buttocks from across the room, without warning, while screaming, "Suck on Satan's pecker" was foreplay.

I know it takes all kinds, and I don't consider myself square or prudish. I feel somewhat guilty for being judgmental about this encounter. I have not seen this woman since, and bear her no ill will. The whole night was very strange and made me feel really uncomfortable. Can you help me make some sense of  this for my peace of mind?

Thanks,
----Rat Fink On The Go-Go


Dear RF,
Thank you for your question.

This situation touches on many subjects, and because of your level of discomfort, I'd like to provide some insight.

I'd first like to address her “foreplay” tactic. Non-consensual Humiliation Play is not okay. I am sad to hear that she preferred to attack you, rather than ask first. Bedroom Dodgeball can be a fun mutual game, if all involved parties are into the rules of the game that they create. Humiliation Play can take many forms, it is a part of Domination/Submission role play in the BDSM lifestyle. Some like to be led on a leash in public, forced to encounter embarrassing situations or just be taunted with verbal abuse. Most BDSM scenarios are given form ahead of time. Boundaries are established and agreed. Safewords may need to be added, and AfterCare applied. You did not review a scene, did not request the humilitation, and you also did not receive AfterCare.

Wearing a latex mask during sex is not an unusual fetish. There is a website that has been up for nearly 20 years called MaskOn.com. This site specializes in men that have a fetish for wearing a latex mask of a woman's face. DollsPride.com and HotGirlsMagazine.com are other outlets for those that enjoy wearing female latex masks. Latex Mask Central has a variety of other latex masks, including custom work for fetishists, cosplay enthusiasts and Halloween costumes.

This woman was into monster-type masks. I commend you for trying it on, to see if it could be a pleasurable experience. I also commend you for standing your ground and admitting that the act was not your cup of tea. When a partner refuses to listen to what you find sexually pleasing, it's time to walk away. She didn't ask if you would like to wear one of her masks, she insisted.

I'm concerned you found a stalker to be a worthy bedfellow. Stalking is an attempt at domination and control. Accepting a stalkers advances will not have a positive outcome. Regardless of the type of stalker, they try to establish a cult dynamic of one, distorting the victim's sense of reality. It is a crime of terror with a beginning, but seemingly no end. It is a crime of fear that leaves no physical cuts or bruises. I recommend reading more about the various kinds of stalkers here, to know some warning signs: http://www.esia.net/Forms_of_Stalking.htm .

Overall, I'm glad this situation is in the past and she did not continue to stalk you after you walked away. Each of the behaviors that you describe are about control, creating fear and ugly situations. Perhaps you are still feeling the effects of the terror – from being stalked, humiliated, and finally being rejected for not complying with her demands.

Please provide some AfterCare for yourself. The Gift of Submission is acknowledged by the Dominant, and rewarded with what is called, “AfterCare”. It usually involves a lot of touch, to increase the bond between partners. The acts between a Dominant and the Submissive are all deeply intimate and caring acts. Without aftercare, a sub can feel emotionally empty, lonely and sexually used as they come down from a session. No aftercare can be destructive to a long-term relationship and the emotional well-being of a loving sub.

Your single encounter was negative on many levels. Be good to yourself, and engage with partners that genuinely care about you, and your well-being.

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