I have three rules for having good sex. 1. Communicate. Tell your partner what you want or don't want. Communicate what your boundaries and desires are. Being honest with your partner means not telling them what you think they want to hear, but what you need them to hear. Being a good sex partner means not laughing or judging. Be willing to learn what it takes to please your partner. 2. You are your own limit. Be accountable, do not blame anyone or anything for why you are not having the sex life you want. What is keeping you from this? Is it your partner, have they stopped desiring you? Is it because you are a new parent or have younger children. Are you working constantly to pay the bills and don't have time? Perhaps you're single and are holding out for a loving relationship, or have a disability where it's difficult to have sex without pain or injury. Think honestly about what it is that is limiting you, and why you want more from your sex life. How attached are you to these limits, to your reasons? What solutions are possible to tackle these limits? What would it take for you to go further? 3. Lose your fear of mess. Once you realize that sex is messy, accept and dig it - you will have good sex. I received a great question that focuses on good communication and finding out limits. I have an STD, and I always tell a possible partner since someone was kind enough to NOT tell me. My quandry is: When is the best time to inform someone? Too soon, and they don't get to know me first and learn it is something that can be worked around. But if I wait until we might be intimate, then they might get mad I didn't tell them sooner. Thank you for such a great question, and being respectful of your partner. I am assuming that you are not having sex on the first date, but perhaps on the third date? I would wait to tell someone until you know that things are on the point of becoming intimate. Perhaps the conversation is turning towards a sexy topic, leading you to the next step, your doorstep or theirs. I would ask that you mention you have an STD before you leave for this place. Be in a comfortable place, away from the bedroom. Perhaps go into details about how you have protected partners in the past. Be willing to accept rejection or allow them time to think about it. However, if your intention is purely sexual, it would be best to tell them sometime in between making a bee-line for the nearest exit together and dropping your pants. Have condoms and lube handy. The lube prevents the delicate tissue from tearing, thus making partners more susceptible to an infection. The condom keeps you both protected from bodily fluids entering vulnerable areas. Female condoms are great for preventing HPV where a visible wart may be present outside of the genitals. You can receive more information about STD (aka STI) from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention at: www.cdc.gov/std You can also reach a Certified Sex Specialist at San Francisco Sex Information at http://sfsi.org/ . Talking to your health care provider can be a great way to alleviate concerns about preventing or spreading any STDs. Being tested once a year (or more if you have more than one sex partner with unprotected oral, vaginal or anal sex or are engaging in other risky behaviors), to keep this in check is respecting yourself and any future sexual partners. Please be safe, sane and consensual. “The Power and Experience of Your Sexuality is Limitless.” – Lady Monster "The Personal is Political." – Carol Hanisch Please submit your questions anonymously through my Blog. http://ladymonsterlair.blogspot.com/2013/09/sex.html It sends it to a folder on my Google Drive at ladymonsterlair@gmail.com . I have no way of knowing who is filling out this form. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/16dpVBuoaJQ4PZAc3DbGPW4FKwJ17u2WOEn_gfl4...