I was 83 last September and was wondering if you have any ideas on how to make my non­existent sex life better?

 About 5 years ago I had most of my prostate removed due to (lost word) it was enlarged, but not cancerous, OK? So at first I was still able to have erections, but not as hard as before, then gradually, less and less erect. I still had orgasms, but without any liquid, which is fine for me, but not sure how women will handle that one. I can still have orgasm, but it takes at least a week to get horny enough to start trying. My daughter tells me that when I find the right woman it will be different, but I don't know..... What do you think?

Dear Reader,

Thank you so much for your question. Allow me one small correction – you do have a sex life. You are your partner – you and your imagination. It is wonderful that you are feeling stimulated and having orgasms! By masturbating you are keeping your libido alive and healthy.

   Semantics aside, let's talk about feeling fulfilled with a partner. As a man ages, the more patience a partner needs with their erections. It's also helpful for a man to become more open to a variety of other pleasures.

   The stereotype that people become asexual as they age is absolutely false. As Dr. Ruth says, “"At what age do people stop having sex? Never!" In a study by Dr. Stacy Tesser Lindau of the University of Chicago in 2007, 3005 people from age 57 to 85 were interviewed by the National Opinion Research Center about their sex life. Hundreds of questions were asked, and most were answered.

   Some of the results include: Sex with a partner in the previous year was reported by 73 percent of people ages 57 to 64; 53 percent of those ages 64 to 75, and 26 percent of people 75 to 85. Of those who were active, most said they did it two to three times a month or more. The report also found that oral sex was given and received in direct proportion.

   Finding an older woman that a) has a desire for sex, b) has confidence in her aged body, c) is open to having another partner if she is widowed, d) is in good physical and mental health to have sex or e) does not feel ashamed of being desirous of sex. There will be your biggest challenges. 35 percent of women in Dr. Lindau's research said sex was "not at all important." The drop­off of estrogen after menopause has a big effect, making them less interested in sex.

   However, the scarcity of a man your age that is wanting a partner that is his age, is a rarity. Advertising your availability is a good start! Having a supportive family is also very special. Many children and grandchildren want to maintain the stereotype that their elders are asexual. Changing those attitudes, will also assist them later in life, as they age and realize that libidos are still there, wanting fulfilled. Respecting sexual choices comes in many forms, including our elders.

   When thinking of pleasing your female partner, if she is wanting penetration, you may want to purchase a newer item on the market. It is a strap­on for men to wear. The harness fits around your penis and testicles, placing the dildo where your erection would be. Spare Parts Hardware (http://www.myspare.com/) has The Deuce model. This product comes in a variety of sizes – measuring waist, leg and penis girth measurements. It retails for around $100 and can be purchased at The Chamber in Columbus. The dildo for the strap­on is not included.

   After receiving your question, I've been reading about prostate removal and the ability to have an erection after surgery. In an article published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2005, surgical techniques to save the nerves surrounding the prostate are discussed. Surgeries prior to 2005 usually included nerve damage resulting in long­term erectile disfunction. Recovery to more normal function could take two years or more after surgery. However, new techniques were developed to provide shorter recovery periods. Erections can return, to near­same density within a shorter time period. However, an increase in age since the surgery could also account for the density loss.

   For anyone who is not yet dead, I highly recommend being open to having sex until that moment.

Please remember that seniors are more often spreading STDs. For a lighthearted look at Safe Sex for Seniors, check out this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Pfa07ijUCE

For excellent humor about senior sex, please check out the comedy of my friend, The Stripping Granny, Lynn Ruth Miller. My New Old Boyfriend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtOBNDhbwP8

I Enjoy Being Mature: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi7bL4qHntY

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