This article first appeared on Substack

I do not know why, but this one makes me laugh.

Trump lived up to his reputation of chickening out after threatening to raise tariffs on a nation. It is the reason for the TACO acronym: Trump Always Chickens Out.

Trump threatened to raise tariffs on eight NATO nations unless they would allow Denmark to sell Greenland to him. Never mind that seven of these nations don't have any say in what Denmark does with Greenland, he's gonna punish them anyway. If you ever figure out Trump logic, let me know.

But yesterday, after giving that horrible speech at Davos and proclaiming time and time again that he would settle for nothing less than absolute and outright ownership of Greenland, Donald Trump caved. He lifted the tariffs on the eight nations, saying there is a framework of a deal involving Greenland.

Trump was and is negotiating this deal with NATO, though NATO doesn't have a say in what Denmark does with Greenland either.

According to anonymous sources, the terms of the deal include increasing NATO’s presence in the Arctic, blocking potentially hostile adversaries like China and Russia from mining the island’s minerals, and giving the United States a sovereign claim to pockets of Greenland’s territory, such as the land where US bases are built.

Denmark is all for increasing NATO's presence in the Arctic and blocking China and Russia from mining Greenland, but they are dead set against ceding any of the territory’s sovereignty to the United States or anyone else.

NATO cannot negotiate giving away chunks of Greenland to the United States. This deal that Trump is bragging about is nothing like what he demanded. He does not get Greenland.

Donald Trump demanded Broadway and Park Place, but he's not even getting Baltic Avenue.

Now here is what's going to happen:

Donald Trump is going to receive a promise that he can build another base on Greenland. He will be granted permission to build whatever missile defense system he wants on the island. And then he's going to call it a huge win for the United States. And that's the exact framework that's already been in place since 1951. Just don't remind MAGAts of that fact. And then you're going to turn on Fox News, where they will tell you that Donald Trump solved the crisis that he created.

The only part here I think I could get wrong is you turning on Fox News

Tomorrow, we will move on to the next crisis of Donald Trump's creation.

I wish a polar bear would eat him.

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