I need a new hobby. Not that I am tired of my old ones, it's just I watch too much television. Mind you, I don't watch that much. There's not that much that interests me. I watch “Jeopardy” because I like facts. I like old things, so I watch “Antiques Roadshow” and “American Pickers.” Other than those programs, I do not watch much of anything on a regular basis with one exception, “The Big Bang Theory,” which, in my opinion is the greatest sit-com of all time. I like science too. I like old movies, so I often tune to Turner Classic Movies. But the other night none of my favorite shows were airing and there was nothing to meet my fancy on TCM so I started hopping around the program guide looking for something, anything to occupy my time. I found something that I thought might do the trick. I also like architecture and interior design, so when I saw a show about remodeling and house hunting I thought I'd give it a try. Which is how I came to spend nearly an hour watching two insufferable people trying to help a young couple decide between buying a new house or fixing up their old one. The program is called “Love It or List It” and I vow never to watch it again, if I can help it. The two hosts, a man and a woman, are as unlikeable as they come. The woman has a big nose and an attitude, while the man has an even bigger nose and an even worse attitude. They spend the hour trash talking each other while consulting with their guests. In the episode I watched the guests were also insufferable. Nothing pleased them. Their house, which they had become unhappy with, was a lovely place. The chief complaint came from the woman, who said her husband had taken over all the space in the home. She blamed this condition on her husband's previous relationship with another woman. I know, it didn't make any sense to me either. So rather than remodel, the woman wanted another house, which the big-nosed man was more than happy to help her find. The female host's job was to make their existing home more livable so they could stay put. Which decision they make comes at the conclusion. But as the male host showed the would-be home buyer house after house, it soon became clear that nothing was to her liking. She found the most lovely spaces to be wrong for the most trivial of reasons. One room had a ceiling too high. Another was the wrong color. To his credit, the big-nosed man did point out that she had the option of repainting. She didn't want to hear it. The female host fared no better. The couple complained about everything. They wanted a mansion but they didn't want to spend too much. She wanted a bigger kitchen but he was not willing to shell out for it. I suppose if I had to side with any party on the program it would have been the husband, though he was a jerk. But I started to feel sorry for him after a while. His wife was a snotty bitch and the male host kept showing him houses out of his price range. And I don't mean a little bit out of his price range, big-nosed guy was overshooting the mark by $100,000 and more. Why did he do that? Because bitchy wife kept saying she wanted more in her new home. Three fourths of the way into the program I realized the couple's problem wasn't really their house, it was their relationship. They disagreed about everything. They didn't even seem to like one another. They didn't need a new house, they need a divorce. So what did they decide? I don't know. I couldn't take it any more. I changed the channel.

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