With the New Year comes a desire to be a better, more accomplished person. Many of us are wondering, “What can I do this year, to make it different from another year? What goal should I try to achieve?” Some of these goals reflect our sexuality. Many feel inadequate sexually in some way. Perhaps you feel you aren't having enough sex, or aren't sexy enough. Realize that you are a majority with these feelings. If you feel that you do want to try something new, and your partner agrees, here is a list of things to try. If you've tried this already and it didn't tickle your fancy, move on to the next, or be willing to try it again, in a different way. I am also going to include ways to do this by yourself, for those without a regular sex partner, or one that does not want to move in this particular direction at this time. All of these methods require research: reading, video, or talking to someone with experience. Be ready to indulge in learning before trying. Grow in many ways, opening your mind and heart. BDSM, “Bondage and Discipline, Sadism and Masochism.” This includes an enormous variety of erotic sensations. Usually one person is the dominant and the other is a submissive. Negotiation is key before any scenario is started. Find out what is good for each other, how far you're willing to go, what your limits and expectations are, what implements to use (or not use), and who wants to be on top and if you're willing to switch. Paying attention to your partner, not creating stressful situations and ultimately having a safe word when it gets to be too much. It's also good to find a way to encourage more sensations too, should you find yourself bound and gagged. Rapid blinking for “STOP”, closing the eyes for “MORE”, is an example. Whatever you try, include safety first. No one wants an embarrassing trip to the ER. Know what you are doing first, start slow, think ahead. This practice can be challenging physically and emotionally. For solo BDSM. Use your imagination. What first came to my mind are: Orgasm Control. Self-flagellation. Clasping your hands together to simulate being handcuffed. Hiring a professional dominant (or submissive), finding web chat rooms, play parties and underground safe spaces are also ways to get these fantasies worked out with a partner when you're not currently coupled. Anal. I discussed this topic in my column dated October 3, 2013. Have a lot of patience, lube and be ready for an emotional release during anal play. Be with someone who you trust, and realize that “you cannot be given butt, you must earn butt” (Nina Hartley). Always use a proper anal toy with a flared base. You may never get past a finger, but be prepared for a hungry butt hole that wants more. Also, get past your fear of mess. Anal play can get very messy, with lube spills especially. Find a good store such as www.goodvibes.com for a wide variety of safety-tested toys. For solo Anal. This is usually the best way to begin with experimenting with anal play. Find out what is good for you. Can you handle a finger or more? What pace is best? Breathe deep and listen to your body. Tantra. Tantra is sometimes misunderstood. It is about intimacy, being one with your partner. Some tantric exercises include breathing, eye contact, massage and meditation. It is also about letting go of fears and moving forward with desire. It can involve multiple orgasms for men and women. It is about being highly awareand sensitive to all sens ations, to receive positive feelings, creating a lot of love. This practice can be challenging on a number of emotional levels. For solo Tantra. Solo Tantra is called Solo Cultivation or Genital Exercise. It does not always include orgasm or ejaculation. This is an excellent method for strengthening your sexual energy. I hope that these ideas are things you may want to incorporate to feeling more sexually fulfilled. For 2014, move forward without fear and add love to all actions. Don't be afraid to have the sex life that you want. Keep lines of communication open. Always make pleasure your goal! * * * * * * * * * * If you have a question or a topic you would like to have covered in this column, please go to: http://ladymonstersex.info and click on the link for the Google form. Or, call (614) 636-0936 and leave a message in my Google Voice Mail Box. Both options are 100% anonymous. Thank you.